A total bust

Where do I start, here I am Driving aimlessly trying to just function. So much on my mind heart soul. I wish I could say have faith, but I struggle so much with that. I don’t fully trust God, in fact I don’t trust anyone. I carry so much inside and I lie about it because its safe, and I don’t want to hurt feelings

I learn early in life that I mean nothing to others

why would I say that you ask?

well I’ve had a long time family friend do things to me sexually that has scarred me still now, then when I finally built the courage to say something it was like girl get over it. It happened to me. Then I get into church express what happened to me and it happens again by a member of the church, this is why I refuse to go, and I don’t believe who claim they are so religious especially men. For the longest time I didn’t feel worthy enough to have a voice just buried myself from the inside out. I tend to give up easily because I know at the end of the day how I feel means nothing, seriously people barely know I exist. Im terrible at defending myself I just. I’ve also have family completely lie on me and what made it worse their lies were believed by others.

not to mention my self esteem is shot, I’ve been made fun off a lot at my highest weight I was called a line backer and no one was there to have my back and stand up for me. Did it hurt yes but who cares right? lol

ive learn to slowly die on the inside while putting on the best smile and glow you can. no one will notice any ways thats enough for now to be continued